Saturday, October 1, 2011

The Pre Exam Rant

It's post midnight and I'm still on campus. I should be studying. Should I be studying? I have 6 exams after one day and after months of no updates, this is the time I choose to vent? You call it procrastination, I call it preventive-measure-against-nervous-breakdown-mode.

It's only been three months? It seems like forever and a day has gone by since I joined this canopied institute. So much has changed, and yet nothing has changed. I've read about Gramsci's hegemony, Marx's surplus theory, and Comte's consensus universalis but has anything really changed because of my deeper theoretical understanding? The poor are still poor, the rich are still rich, and I am still under the illusion that I can do something to make the world better. Life is definitely fifty million times more hectic than it was in idyllic Shreeji ka Kheda, but I'm quite liking the adrenaline rush of "busy". It makes me feel like I'm living with purpose.

And I'm so, so glad I've started playing the violin again. It relaxes me like nothing else can, and rejuvenates my inner spirit (if you believe in such things), preparing me to deal with come what may. The music culture is quite active on the campus; every other person plays the guitar or sings, and in that sense I feel fortunate to be surrounded by others who share my passion for music. Improvisation has never been my strong suite, but due to lack of sheet music and an absence of Western classical enthusiasts, I'm discovering new artists, and quickly picking up playing by ear.

Writing has definitely been put on the backburner. Next semester, that has to change. Essays on civil society, the builder lobby in real estate, or the pre-planning model in groupwork don't quite satisfy my craving to produce literary goodies. Maybe that means updating more. Maybe that means journaling more. Maybe that means taking out time at the end of the day to reflect. Reflection is definitely a rarity nowadays. It shouldn't be.

This wasn't meant to be a resolutions list. It wasn't meant to be anything, but like most of my rantings, what's inside has a way of coming out.

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